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[gleaner]

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text; un: e'kayan

[orangebrained]

Hey Erenville!
How set are you on the idea of living by yourself?

[gleaner]

Er... Not too dead set on it, I suppose. Why?

[orangebrained]

I've found myself without a housemate again and I was wondering if you'd mind having one.
I really hate living by myself.

[gleaner]

Mal is gone? I'm sorry to hear that. I am in Amberfall.

[orangebrained]

It's all right.
We didn't really get to know each other that well. Just kind of quiet around here now.

I can come over whenever you're around.

[gleaner]

Where were you originally staying? It may be a bit of a journey depending. I should like to be here when you arrive, after all.

[orangebrained]

The city centre. I've made longer trips, don't worry about me getting there in one piece.

[gleaner]

You are a capable adventurer, I am aware. That hardly means I can't at least greet you when you arrive! Allow me this much.

[orangebrained]

If you insist! I'll be glad to see you in any case.

[gleaner]

Good. I will be awaiting your arrival.

[He will also have food. Because why not? Traveling makes one hungry!]

[orangebrained]

[He will never say no to food!

And he's very polite once he arrives, travelling lightly as always, and he knocks on the door to announce himself rather than just trying to walk in. Even if he is going to be living here... there's no need to be discourteous!]

[gleaner]

[It wasn't much. Just a few sandwiches that he could keep on hand since there wasn't a specific time frame for his friend's arrival.

But once he heard the knock, Erenville made his way to the door and opened it.]

Good evening, E'kayan. I trust the journey was smooth?

[He opened the door wider to let the miqo'te in. He gestured to the unclaimed room as well.]

Make yourself at home.

for E'Kayan - Post-Dawntrail things

[gleaner]

[Keeping busy meant he didn't need to continue thinking about it. But, experiencing all that he did when returning home along with coming back to Ellipsa and be reminded of how death was but a facsimile here... it was eventually got too much.

He tried to hide it from E'kayan. After all, just before Erenville had set off after resigning as a gleaner, he had been well. He was glad to continue his mother's legacy. He thought he had been able to move on, move forward, he thought he had properly mourned and Wuk Lamat and Koana had helped him as they understood better than anyone what losing a parent was like.

But...it was perhaps still too soon, the pain still too near and Ellipsa reminded Erenville of it all too much. He withdrew. He focused on his work, which felt all too similar to gleaning and wasn't that what he decided he wasn't going to do?

Eventually, that grew to be too much. Erenville made the trip from Amberfall to Blossomcrown, using the travel time to simply be and reflect. He had a destination in mind and it reminded him all too well of his mother, the source of his heavy heart.

Cahciua's fussy bunbun sat amongst the colorful flora that resembled the closest to those found in the Unlost World's gardens. He wasn't sure why he chose these in particular, perhaps because it was his last memory of her. But, he parked himself down betwixt the flowers (mindful just where he sat, of course) and wrapped his arms around his knees. He pressed his forehead against them and silently wept.]

[orangebrained]

[Erenville is not the only one with a few things to sort out in his head but what he had experienced in Tural had undoubtedly made E'kayan stronger in himself, more sure of his place in the world and amongst his friends, and although they were yet again facing another terrible threat... as things stood, he couldn't be happier.

But that, of course, did not mean he was ignorant to the feelings of others. The loss that Wuk Lamat and Koana had felt for their father and brother. The gentle, emotional words spoken to him by G'raha Tia on the gondola. Krile finally meeting her parents, only to have them immediately taken away. They would all come to terms with their experiences in their own ways, but there was one person that E'kayan found himself concerned about.

None other than his quiet, taciturn partner.

They didn't really talk about it. He asked Erenville if he was all right. He gently, teasingly called him by his given name. The Viera seemed to be fine. He seemed to be... but as the days wore on, E'kayan could see that something was weighing on him.

Finding him in the botanical gardens is an easy guess. Even if Erenville did not realise it, E'kayan could see the resemblance to where they last saw Cahciua and tracking the man down to that place comes as no surprise.

He heads there and looks around, easily finding the dark-skinned, dark-haired Viera in the flowers. The Miqo'te feels his heart clench, a deep ache for someone who is both a friend and someone he has come to care about as so much more than that, and he picks his way across to where Erenville is to sit down beside him silently. He doesn't put an arm around him, but he gently leans and bumps their shoulders together.

They don't need to talk yet. They can just be.]

[gleaner]

[Erenville stiffened slightly when he felt the presence beside him, but E'kayan's scent was easy enough to identify and he relaxed. He didn't lift his head, a bit ashamed at having been seen like this already. But the Miqo'te did not speak, he simply sat. So, Erenville remained as he was for a time.

Eventually, he shifted and he leaned his weight slightly against E'kayan as well. He lifted his head just enough to turn away and swipe his sleeve across his eyes and nose. He was a mess, but he doubted E'kayan would tease. He sniffled and eventually dug around his jacket pocket for a handkerchief, pulling it out, he murmured.]

Trust an adventurer to find me so easily.

[His accent was noticeably similar to his mother's right now, not quite in the right mindset to keep up the inflection. Not that it mattered. Erenville had only kept it up prior because he had grown used to the accent that the Eorzean Viera spoke over the years. But now was not the time to blend in... but to allow himself to be himself, for a change.

He sighed softly and laid his cheek on his arm, still not looking in E'kayan's direction just yet.]

[orangebrained]

You're not too hard to track down, Elene'shpya.

[That is the length of any teasing as he gently nudges himself against the Viera and then sighs, lifting his head up to look around the spot the other man had chosen to sit. Flowers everywhere. E'kayan knows so many of them by name now, but his thoughts are hardly in that frame as he remains all too aware of the distress of the person beside him.

Now he's been acknowledged, though, he does shift to put his arm around Erenville and idly scratches against the back of his shoulder, just sitting with him for a few minutes more before he speaks at all.]

... She would have liked it here.

[It's not that Erenville makes himself easy to read (though he does, in all honesty) and more that... E'kayan has just grown used to him.]

[gleaner]

[There's a scoff there, soft and not at all mean-spirited at the use of his true name. When he told Gulool Ja Ja that he had grown used to his new name, he had meant it. But, even after seeing his mother (in that robotic form), he never could tell her to call him Erenville. Everyone else, yes, but not her.

Never her. And, he supposed, not E'kayan, either. Although thus far, the man had refrained from saying it out loud in public (this secluded area of the Botanical Gardens notwithstanding).]

..yes, she would have. Flowers were always her favorite.

[Going to the place that reminded him the most of her seemed a bit counterintuitive to his hurting heart, but the floral scents brought him a calmness of mind that he had not felt since... well, likely since the dome appeared. Even after all had been said and done, Erenville still had not the chance to truly... be. To feel and accept. The Gardens were the right choice, even if it embarrassed him a little.]

[orangebrained]

[Erenville had asked him to keep using his chosen name and for the course of their adventure he had, absent those additional feelings that being here together had grown between them. Here, it rolls easier off the tongue, as if he's earned the closeness needed to use it.]

Mm...

[She had seemed so happy in that garden. He still remembers how she smiled, laughed, how even in the face of Erenville's grousing she had remained bright. It must have been so hard for her, he thinks, to keep on like that...

Gently, he tugs Erenville a little closer to him and plants a soft kiss against the side of his head.]

Is it okay if I stay here with you?

[gleaner]

Of course.

[The answer was immediate, if soft spoken. While Erenville may have been keeping distant these past few days, he wasn't necessarily trying to push Kayan away. it just came natural, at times. Old habits still seemingly died hard, after all.

But not this day. Once E'kayan sat next to him, there was no other place he wanted the man than right next to him.

He let out a shaking breath after a few more moments of silence.]

It's... different now. Knowing she will not be there when I return home.

[Was Yyasulani even home anymore now? None of the residents remembered Cahciua. Only he and the Scions who ventured into the dome with him, and those in Oblivion.]

[orangebrained]

[He nods again, quiet, understanding well enough when the right time was to just... not say anything. As much as he didn't want to let Erenville sit in his grief he knows the man has his own way of working through things and E'kayan has no experience of seeing him suffer this kind of loss. The best he can do is just... be here with him, so he resolves to just do that.]

I... I don't remember my parents. [E'kayan says after some time goes by. He looks down at his free hand, curled loosely against his lap, his tone slightly hesitant as if he's not sure what he's saying can help.] I suppose I should, I wasn't that little when they left me in Limsa, but... [A sigh.] I don't. Not a single thing.

[He never really marked the absence before, but now, after all they've seen and heard, it feels... strange. Like there's a hollow space.]

I'll remember her with you, okay? Your mother. I promise, I'll never forget.

[gleaner]

[It wasn't that it didn't help, but it did remind him of the fear he had. Vieras lived much longer than most, with he himself not even having reached 30 summers.

Years faded memories. He did not need to have experienced his long life yet to know this. Memories faded eventually. What if hers faded from his mind? E'kayan had been young and the young forgot a little bit faster than adults, but eventually... He bit his lip as his eyes blurred once more.]

But... what if I forget? Her face? Her voice? My home no longer exists, I have nothing to remember her by.

[His hands tightened around his knees, into the fabric of his trousers. His breath hitched in his chest.]

[orangebrained]

But you do... You do have something.

[E'kayan shifts position, moving himself a little forwards so he can try to catch Erenville's eyes. He knows the man is upset - of course he's upset and he has every right to be upset - but...

He places his hand over one of the Viera's, squeezing gently.]

You have her love for you. And yours for her. Even if everything else slowly fades with time... you'll always have that. You'll always have that love, all you learned, and everything else that you got from her that makes you you. No one can take that from you. No one and nothing. [He rubs his thumb against Erenville's knuckles.]

No one can take that. You'll always have her in your heart. Taking her to see all the things she never got to see.

[gleaner]

[Erenville reluctantly met E'kayan's eyes, brows furrowed has he struggled to not crumple before the Miqo'te as the he spoke. His lips pursed as his chest hitched again but as E'kayan spoke, it was becoming more difficult. The tears he thought he was fresh out of overflowed and slid down his face.

E'kayan was right. Of course he was and he had promised his mother that he would see all the things she never got to see. It just... it felt so difficult to do so right now. To get up after all that? He nodded, acknowledging E'kayan's words even as he sniffled pathetically again. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.]

How do you do it, Kayan? Find the strength to press on after losing someone dear to you?

[His shifted his fingers to interlace with the Miqo'te's. ]

[orangebrained]

I...

[The question halts him. He looks away and smiles faintly, shaking his head and then taking the handkerchief from Erenville's hand to wipe the tear tracks off his cheeks.

Gods, but how many people has he lost now? The memory of walking into the Waking Sands to find most of its inhabitants dead still haunts him even years later. Haurchefant, Moenbryda, Y'sayle, so many others... Most of the people he has lost have died right in front of him, or been discovered by him.

He shakes his head again.]

For a long time, I thought I couldn't. [The Miqo'te puffs out a breath and sets himself back on the ground, offering Erenville his handkerchief back.] But... I wasn't given a choice. I had to press on because if I didn't, more people were going to die. Because if I didn't, I...

[It's different. He chews his lower lip for a moment.]

I couldn't stop and feel any of it for a while. It's... I wouldn't recommend trying to live like that.

[gleaner]

[Erenville may have been wallowing in his own sorrows just a moment ago, but he does not miss the way E'kayan's face shifts. He realized then that his question shouldn't have been asked.

He opened his mouth to apologize, but the other man answered his questions nonetheless. So, he remained quiet even as the tears were cleared off his cheeks. He looked down at the handkerchief held out to him, taking it silently.]

I am sorry. I... I did not mean to... [He continued to look down at the handkerchief, not quite sure how to feel about unintentionally making his partner remember past wounds like that. He did not know the person or people the other man had lost, he had not asked, it was not his place to.] I'm sorry.

[But, he had to agree, it was certainly no way to live. Erenville had always withdrawn into himself and, if he hadn't E'kayan with him now, he likely would have far more than he had just now.

And hadn't that been his mother's goal? To get Erenville to open up? Become more sociable and rely on others? And E'kayan certainly did have his friends, the Scions, to rely on. He pocketed the handkerchief and decided to act on impulse for a change... and likely because he hadn't allowed himself this even as his mother was due to fade away. He shifted where he sat, laying himself against E'kayan's chest. He was much taller than the Miqo'te, so there was going to need some adjusting but this time, he wanted to be held. One large ear listened to his heartbeat and he closed his eyes.]