And he's very polite once he arrives, travelling lightly as always, and he knocks on the door to announce himself rather than just trying to walk in. Even if he is going to be living here... there's no need to be discourteous!]
[Keeping busy meant he didn't need to continue thinking about it. But, experiencing all that he did when returning home along with coming back to Ellipsa and be reminded of how death was but a facsimile here... it was eventually got too much.
He tried to hide it from E'kayan. After all, just before Erenville had set off after resigning as a gleaner, he had been well. He was glad to continue his mother's legacy. He thought he had been able to move on, move forward, he thought he had properly mourned and Wuk Lamat and Koana had helped him as they understood better than anyone what losing a parent was like.
But...it was perhaps still too soon, the pain still too near and Ellipsa reminded Erenville of it all too much. He withdrew. He focused on his work, which felt all too similar to gleaning and wasn't that what he decided he wasn't going to do?
Eventually, that grew to be too much. Erenville made the trip from Amberfall to Blossomcrown, using the travel time to simply be and reflect. He had a destination in mind and it reminded him all too well of his mother, the source of his heavy heart.
Cahciua's fussy bunbun sat amongst the colorful flora that resembled the closest to those found in the Unlost World's gardens. He wasn't sure why he chose these in particular, perhaps because it was his last memory of her. But, he parked himself down betwixt the flowers (mindful just where he sat, of course) and wrapped his arms around his knees. He pressed his forehead against them and silently wept.]
[Erenville is not the only one with a few things to sort out in his head but what he had experienced in Tural had undoubtedly made E'kayan stronger in himself, more sure of his place in the world and amongst his friends, and although they were yet again facing another terrible threat... as things stood, he couldn't be happier.
But that, of course, did not mean he was ignorant to the feelings of others. The loss that Wuk Lamat and Koana had felt for their father and brother. The gentle, emotional words spoken to him by G'raha Tia on the gondola. Krile finally meeting her parents, only to have them immediately taken away. They would all come to terms with their experiences in their own ways, but there was one person that E'kayan found himself concerned about.
None other than his quiet, taciturn partner.
They didn't really talk about it. He asked Erenville if he was all right. He gently, teasingly called him by his given name. The Viera seemed to be fine. He seemed to be... but as the days wore on, E'kayan could see that something was weighing on him.
Finding him in the botanical gardens is an easy guess. Even if Erenville did not realise it, E'kayan could see the resemblance to where they last saw Cahciua and tracking the man down to that place comes as no surprise.
He heads there and looks around, easily finding the dark-skinned, dark-haired Viera in the flowers. The Miqo'te feels his heart clench, a deep ache for someone who is both a friend and someone he has come to care about as so much more than that, and he picks his way across to where Erenville is to sit down beside him silently. He doesn't put an arm around him, but he gently leans and bumps their shoulders together.
[Erenville stiffened slightly when he felt the presence beside him, but E'kayan's scent was easy enough to identify and he relaxed. He didn't lift his head, a bit ashamed at having been seen like this already. But the Miqo'te did not speak, he simply sat. So, Erenville remained as he was for a time.
Eventually, he shifted and he leaned his weight slightly against E'kayan as well. He lifted his head just enough to turn away and swipe his sleeve across his eyes and nose. He was a mess, but he doubted E'kayan would tease. He sniffled and eventually dug around his jacket pocket for a handkerchief, pulling it out, he murmured.]
Trust an adventurer to find me so easily.
[His accent was noticeably similar to his mother's right now, not quite in the right mindset to keep up the inflection. Not that it mattered. Erenville had only kept it up prior because he had grown used to the accent that the Eorzean Viera spoke over the years. But now was not the time to blend in... but to allow himself to be himself, for a change.
He sighed softly and laid his cheek on his arm, still not looking in E'kayan's direction just yet.]
[That is the length of any teasing as he gently nudges himself against the Viera and then sighs, lifting his head up to look around the spot the other man had chosen to sit. Flowers everywhere. E'kayan knows so many of them by name now, but his thoughts are hardly in that frame as he remains all too aware of the distress of the person beside him.
Now he's been acknowledged, though, he does shift to put his arm around Erenville and idly scratches against the back of his shoulder, just sitting with him for a few minutes more before he speaks at all.]
... She would have liked it here.
[It's not that Erenville makes himself easy to read (though he does, in all honesty) and more that... E'kayan has just grown used to him.]
[There's a scoff there, soft and not at all mean-spirited at the use of his true name. When he told Gulool Ja Ja that he had grown used to his new name, he had meant it. But, even after seeing his mother (in that robotic form), he never could tell her to call him Erenville. Everyone else, yes, but not her.
Never her. And, he supposed, not E'kayan, either. Although thus far, the man had refrained from saying it out loud in public (this secluded area of the Botanical Gardens notwithstanding).]
..yes, she would have. Flowers were always her favorite.
[Going to the place that reminded him the most of her seemed a bit counterintuitive to his hurting heart, but the floral scents brought him a calmness of mind that he had not felt since... well, likely since the dome appeared. Even after all had been said and done, Erenville still had not the chance to truly... be. To feel and accept. The Gardens were the right choice, even if it embarrassed him a little.]
[Erenville had asked him to keep using his chosen name and for the course of their adventure he had, absent those additional feelings that being here together had grown between them. Here, it rolls easier off the tongue, as if he's earned the closeness needed to use it.]
Mm...
[She had seemed so happy in that garden. He still remembers how she smiled, laughed, how even in the face of Erenville's grousing she had remained bright. It must have been so hard for her, he thinks, to keep on like that...
Gently, he tugs Erenville a little closer to him and plants a soft kiss against the side of his head.]
[The answer was immediate, if soft spoken. While Erenville may have been keeping distant these past few days, he wasn't necessarily trying to push Kayan away. it just came natural, at times. Old habits still seemingly died hard, after all.
But not this day. Once E'kayan sat next to him, there was no other place he wanted the man than right next to him.
He let out a shaking breath after a few more moments of silence.]
It's... different now. Knowing she will not be there when I return home.
[Was Yyasulani even home anymore now? None of the residents remembered Cahciua. Only he and the Scions who ventured into the dome with him, and those in Oblivion.]
[He nods again, quiet, understanding well enough when the right time was to just... not say anything. As much as he didn't want to let Erenville sit in his grief he knows the man has his own way of working through things and E'kayan has no experience of seeing him suffer this kind of loss. The best he can do is just... be here with him, so he resolves to just do that.]
I... I don't remember my parents. [E'kayan says after some time goes by. He looks down at his free hand, curled loosely against his lap, his tone slightly hesitant as if he's not sure what he's saying can help.] I suppose I should, I wasn't that little when they left me in Limsa, but... [A sigh.] I don't. Not a single thing.
[He never really marked the absence before, but now, after all they've seen and heard, it feels... strange. Like there's a hollow space.]
I'll remember her with you, okay? Your mother. I promise, I'll never forget.
[It wasn't that it didn't help, but it did remind him of the fear he had. Vieras lived much longer than most, with he himself not even having reached 30 summers.
Years faded memories. He did not need to have experienced his long life yet to know this. Memories faded eventually. What if hers faded from his mind? E'kayan had been young and the young forgot a little bit faster than adults, but eventually... He bit his lip as his eyes blurred once more.]
But... what if I forget? Her face? Her voice? My home no longer exists, I have nothing to remember her by.
[His hands tightened around his knees, into the fabric of his trousers. His breath hitched in his chest.]
[E'kayan shifts position, moving himself a little forwards so he can try to catch Erenville's eyes. He knows the man is upset - of course he's upset and he has every right to be upset - but...
He places his hand over one of the Viera's, squeezing gently.]
You have her love for you. And yours for her. Even if everything else slowly fades with time... you'll always have that. You'll always have that love, all you learned, and everything else that you got from her that makes you you. No one can take that from you. No one and nothing. [He rubs his thumb against Erenville's knuckles.]
No one can take that. You'll always have her in your heart. Taking her to see all the things she never got to see.
[Erenville reluctantly met E'kayan's eyes, brows furrowed has he struggled to not crumple before the Miqo'te as the he spoke. His lips pursed as his chest hitched again but as E'kayan spoke, it was becoming more difficult. The tears he thought he was fresh out of overflowed and slid down his face.
E'kayan was right. Of course he was and he had promised his mother that he would see all the things she never got to see. It just... it felt so difficult to do so right now. To get up after all that? He nodded, acknowledging E'kayan's words even as he sniffled pathetically again. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.]
How do you do it, Kayan? Find the strength to press on after losing someone dear to you?
[His shifted his fingers to interlace with the Miqo'te's. ]
[The question halts him. He looks away and smiles faintly, shaking his head and then taking the handkerchief from Erenville's hand to wipe the tear tracks off his cheeks.
Gods, but how many people has he lost now? The memory of walking into the Waking Sands to find most of its inhabitants dead still haunts him even years later. Haurchefant, Moenbryda, Y'sayle, so many others... Most of the people he has lost have died right in front of him, or been discovered by him.
He shakes his head again.]
For a long time, I thought I couldn't. [The Miqo'te puffs out a breath and sets himself back on the ground, offering Erenville his handkerchief back.] But... I wasn't given a choice. I had to press on because if I didn't, more people were going to die. Because if I didn't, I...
[It's different. He chews his lower lip for a moment.]
I couldn't stop and feel any of it for a while. It's... I wouldn't recommend trying to live like that.
[Erenville may have been wallowing in his own sorrows just a moment ago, but he does not miss the way E'kayan's face shifts. He realized then that his question shouldn't have been asked.
He opened his mouth to apologize, but the other man answered his questions nonetheless. So, he remained quiet even as the tears were cleared off his cheeks. He looked down at the handkerchief held out to him, taking it silently.]
I am sorry. I... I did not mean to... [He continued to look down at the handkerchief, not quite sure how to feel about unintentionally making his partner remember past wounds like that. He did not know the person or people the other man had lost, he had not asked, it was not his place to.] I'm sorry.
[But, he had to agree, it was certainly no way to live. Erenville had always withdrawn into himself and, if he hadn't E'kayan with him now, he likely would have far more than he had just now.
And hadn't that been his mother's goal? To get Erenville to open up? Become more sociable and rely on others? And E'kayan certainly did have his friends, the Scions, to rely on. He pocketed the handkerchief and decided to act on impulse for a change... and likely because he hadn't allowed himself this even as his mother was due to fade away. He shifted where he sat, laying himself against E'kayan's chest. He was much taller than the Miqo'te, so there was going to need some adjusting but this time, he wanted to be held. One large ear listened to his heartbeat and he closed his eyes.]
[And he is, he realises as he says that out loud. All that loss, the hurt, everything he'd been through... he is okay now. He's all right, he's stronger than he's ever been, and he's ready to face whatever this new threat against their home star might be.
He isn't expecting Erenville to move like that and he lifts his arms out of the way until the Viera has himself situated. A little laugh bubbles out of him as he brings them down to curl around him, one hand pushing through his hair and rubbing gently against the base of one of his long, soft ears.]
Heh... [It's... nice. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.] I love you, Elene'shpya. You know that, right?
[Good, he was glad E'kayan was okay. He believed him. He sighed quietly once they were situated. His ear twitched lightly at the touch, as it always did, but it was always in delight rather than annoyance.
And he was glad that his face was currently mostly hidden into E'kayan's shirt because his cheeks were darkening a bit at the words. But he did not disagree and he nodded against the man's chest.]
Yes, I know. [A beat.] I love you, too.
[He did. He really, really did. He buried his face a bit deeper into E'kayan's shirt.]
[Even knowing it, hearing it still makes his heart start racing. Gods, how could he get so lucky that an amazing person like this would love him back.
He sits in silence a little while longer, just gently stroking his palm against Erenville's ear and rubbing his fingertips around the base. Whatever time he needs to decompress and sort through his thoughts E'kayan will gladly give it to him and be there waiting when he comes through to the other side.]
You really did have a trial by fire to see what I mean when I say I'm an adventurer... [E'kayan murmurs thoughtfully after some time has passed. It's something he's thought of more than once, how Erenville always knew what he did was dangerous but he never really saw the reality of it.]
I'd say I'm sorry for dragging you into it, but... you wanted to come, and I don't think I could have stopped you.
[His face was pretty much dry, his chest no longer hitching, and outside of his eyes feeling a bit scratchy and puffy, Erenville did feel much better now. Lighter, almost.
He puffed a sigh at those words, hiding his eye roll that was often reserved for Wuk Lamat.]
You wouldn't be sorry, anyway. And I had a certain "little kitten" to watch over, so of course I needed to join you. [And he isn't talking about you, E'kayan. Really, why does he suffer Wuk Lamat's antics? And yet, he never refused her, either.] Besides... it was my home. How could I not?
[But, E'kayan wasn't wrong. He never truly grasped the magnitude of the Warrior of Light's adventures. They were more than just a typical adventurer's journey. Much, much more.]
[He does not venture to say that they could have very well watched over Wuk Lamat without him, but in the end they really had needed Erenville for his familiarity with the land and the things he could tell them as a guide. E'kayan had hesitated to put him in danger but the gleaner always seemed to know when it was appropriate to retreat, and how to hide, and he never gave the Miqo'te reason to worry about his safety.
But then, it wasn't his safety that prompted the most concern in the end.
E'kayan has noticed how he's relaxed a little against him, though, and he pets lightly at one of his ears again.]
How could you not. [He murmurs in agreement.] Still, I wish I could've... I wish things could have been different, you know? I would have liked to see your village, and... all of that.
[Erenville was definitely there more to be a guide than Wuk Lamat's babysitter, but he also just wouldn't have felt comfortable being at the Hrothgar's side despite all his grousing. Not that he would ever admit to this, nope. But, his experience as a gleaner at least taught him well on how to avoid danger. He was confident that he would, and was not, a burden throughout the entire journey.]
...I wish you could have seen it as well. [All E'kayan got to see were abandoned ruins. It had been a shock to Erenville, seeing his house falling apart, completely emptied. There had been no signs that anyone had lived there, all in a matter of 30 years of abandonment. And if things had been different, well... he wouldn't be mourning in the Botanical Gardens, now would he?] It's not unlike the Outskirts, I suppose... without all of the Alexandrian technology.
[It's difficult to even begin to imagine how it must have felt to see his home looking like that. For E'kayan, who had nothing but a vague image in mind of what it might look like, it was a shock. Erenville, though... it had to have been devastating.
He continues to idly pet the man's hair while he talks, sometimes stroking at ear or rubbing gently behind it. Erenville could be so withdrawn and quiet, so unlike E'kayan and yet... he does understand.]
Maybe you can tell me about it some time. [Maybe not now, when it still hurts, but... some time.] But, you know... I hope that you don't go too far until we figure out where to go next. We might need you again. If you think you'd be willing.
[To be honest, it wouldn't have been so bad if the people remembered Cahciua. Losing his home was one thing, but home was where your family was, no? His mother was gone and only a few now remembered her. It almost felt like he didn't have a home anymore.
It almost brought fresh tears to his eyes, but what stopped him was knowing that it wasn't true. Yyasulani may no longer feel like home to him, but E'kayan was here. The Scions, everyone in Tuliyollal, even Sharlayan. He still had a place to belong and it was enough to stave off the sudden feeling homelessness.]
[It's nice. Comforting to know that Erenville is only a call away should he need him. He has so many amazing, reliable friends now...
The Miqo'te chuffs softly through his nose and gently urges the other man to shift a bit so he can lean down and press a soft, chaste kiss against his lips (after a quick glance around to make sure no one is observing them, but the gardens are quiet today).]
How do you feel about a quiet night in tonight? I'll make your favourite meal.
[Erenville was content to just lie here in E'kayan's arms for a time, but when he was urged to move a bit, he rolled slightly to his back to look up at the other man curiously. But, the soft kiss was pressed against his lips and his ears relaxed against the grass beneath them as he sighed quietly, eyes closing.
The kiss was quick, but no less full of warmth. He was sad it was chaste. He opened his eyes to look back up at the other man, he nodded with a small smile.]
[Oh, but his ears are just too cute. E'kayan gives another one of them a pet, easily able to do so with them being positioned as they are, and he looks fondly down into the other man's golden eyes with an expression of absolute, complete adoration.]
Then I'll do just that. I'll need to go by the market on the way home but I'm sure I have almost everything I need. [Gently, he strokes his thumb against Erenville's temple.]
And you know... it's okay to be upset. You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling about what happened.
[There was a few things they were going to need from the market just in general, anyway. So, detouring to the market on their way home would be fine. It wasn't like it was currently dinner time, they had the rest of the afternoon to get back to Amberfall.
He leaned into the touch at his temple. He closed his eyes with a nod.]
Yes, I know. I just... [He was still learning and adjusting to not being so solitary. But, evidently, his mother's entire goal for tasking him with finding the city of gold and to became a gleaner had not actually been to find the city of gold. But it was to learn to open up, not be so withdrawn and "dour". While he was... less unsociable than previously, it was still a work in progress.] 'Tis difficult at times. Not to fall into old habits.
[It's a little funny. He has always known that Erenville was a solitary sort of person - the way he lived his life attested to that - but just how much he tended to prefer his own company hadn't really been in E'kayan's mind until he met the man's mother. After all, hadn't Erenville not just spent weeks in the near-constant company of himself, Wuk Lamat, and the twins (amongst others)?
Those old habits of his might well be more shaken off than he realises... though the Miqo'te understands how he might still slip into them under this kind of stress.]
Yeah. I get that. I think. [He pets one of Erenville's long ears in slow, gentle strokes.] ... When we got back from Ultima Thule, I didn't feel like I could let anyone see how much of a mess I was. I'm happy I can help you with this.
[Erenville opened his eyes, looking up at the other man. He had not truly known the details of Ultima Thule, just the surface level kind. He was not the kind of man to pry, so he had yet to really ask for more on what happened that far out in the universe.
He likely wouldn't for awhile longer, it simply did not feel it was his place. Erenville didn't mind not knowing.]
[He wanted to. There were people - Alisaie and G'raha especially - that he might have eventually felt able to talk to about it all, but things never seemed to stop when it came to the Scions and himself in particular, and by the time he'd settled things in his own mind they were gearing up for another adventure.]
But... as it turns out, I didn't really need to. Going to Tural with you, helping Lamaty'i and Koana, and everything that we did together... It helped. More than any of you could ever know.
[The Miqo'te smiles, lifting his head up and looking out at the flowers and lush plants surrounding them.]
I was still having trouble with knowing that I didn't just have to do everything on my own. It was nice to take a back seat for once. To be someone who was just part of the team, not the leader.
You didn't! I asked if *you* include your ears. Is it a secret? Do you change how tall you say you are depending on whether or not the other person is tall?
I was unaware it was a personal question. Goodness, you really must know?
I do not. I do not see the point in including them when the person next to be may or may not be viera or they are born with ears that do not stand upright.
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text; un: e'kayan
How set are you on the idea of living by yourself?
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I really hate living by myself.
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We didn't really get to know each other that well. Just kind of quiet around here now.
I can come over whenever you're around.
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[He will also have food. Because why not? Traveling makes one hungry!]
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And he's very polite once he arrives, travelling lightly as always, and he knocks on the door to announce himself rather than just trying to walk in. Even if he is going to be living here... there's no need to be discourteous!]
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But once he heard the knock, Erenville made his way to the door and opened it.]
Good evening, E'kayan. I trust the journey was smooth?
[He opened the door wider to let the miqo'te in. He gestured to the unclaimed room as well.]
Make yourself at home.
for E'Kayan - Post-Dawntrail things
He tried to hide it from E'kayan. After all, just before Erenville had set off after resigning as a gleaner, he had been well. He was glad to continue his mother's legacy. He thought he had been able to move on, move forward, he thought he had properly mourned and Wuk Lamat and Koana had helped him as they understood better than anyone what losing a parent was like.
But...it was perhaps still too soon, the pain still too near and Ellipsa reminded Erenville of it all too much. He withdrew. He focused on his work, which felt all too similar to gleaning and wasn't that what he decided he wasn't going to do?
Eventually, that grew to be too much. Erenville made the trip from Amberfall to Blossomcrown, using the travel time to simply be and reflect. He had a destination in mind and it reminded him all too well of his mother, the source of his heavy heart.
Cahciua's fussy bunbun sat amongst the colorful flora that resembled the closest to those found in the Unlost World's gardens. He wasn't sure why he chose these in particular, perhaps because it was his last memory of her. But, he parked himself down betwixt the flowers (mindful just where he sat, of course) and wrapped his arms around his knees. He pressed his forehead against them and silently wept.]
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But that, of course, did not mean he was ignorant to the feelings of others. The loss that Wuk Lamat and Koana had felt for their father and brother. The gentle, emotional words spoken to him by G'raha Tia on the gondola. Krile finally meeting her parents, only to have them immediately taken away. They would all come to terms with their experiences in their own ways, but there was one person that E'kayan found himself concerned about.
None other than his quiet, taciturn partner.
They didn't really talk about it. He asked Erenville if he was all right. He gently, teasingly called him by his given name. The Viera seemed to be fine. He seemed to be... but as the days wore on, E'kayan could see that something was weighing on him.
Finding him in the botanical gardens is an easy guess. Even if Erenville did not realise it, E'kayan could see the resemblance to where they last saw Cahciua and tracking the man down to that place comes as no surprise.
He heads there and looks around, easily finding the dark-skinned, dark-haired Viera in the flowers. The Miqo'te feels his heart clench, a deep ache for someone who is both a friend and someone he has come to care about as so much more than that, and he picks his way across to where Erenville is to sit down beside him silently. He doesn't put an arm around him, but he gently leans and bumps their shoulders together.
They don't need to talk yet. They can just be.]
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Eventually, he shifted and he leaned his weight slightly against E'kayan as well. He lifted his head just enough to turn away and swipe his sleeve across his eyes and nose. He was a mess, but he doubted E'kayan would tease. He sniffled and eventually dug around his jacket pocket for a handkerchief, pulling it out, he murmured.]
Trust an adventurer to find me so easily.
[His accent was noticeably similar to his mother's right now, not quite in the right mindset to keep up the inflection. Not that it mattered. Erenville had only kept it up prior because he had grown used to the accent that the Eorzean Viera spoke over the years. But now was not the time to blend in... but to allow himself to be himself, for a change.
He sighed softly and laid his cheek on his arm, still not looking in E'kayan's direction just yet.]
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[That is the length of any teasing as he gently nudges himself against the Viera and then sighs, lifting his head up to look around the spot the other man had chosen to sit. Flowers everywhere. E'kayan knows so many of them by name now, but his thoughts are hardly in that frame as he remains all too aware of the distress of the person beside him.
Now he's been acknowledged, though, he does shift to put his arm around Erenville and idly scratches against the back of his shoulder, just sitting with him for a few minutes more before he speaks at all.]
... She would have liked it here.
[It's not that Erenville makes himself easy to read (though he does, in all honesty) and more that... E'kayan has just grown used to him.]
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Never her. And, he supposed, not E'kayan, either. Although thus far, the man had refrained from saying it out loud in public (this secluded area of the Botanical Gardens notwithstanding).]
..yes, she would have. Flowers were always her favorite.
[Going to the place that reminded him the most of her seemed a bit counterintuitive to his hurting heart, but the floral scents brought him a calmness of mind that he had not felt since... well, likely since the dome appeared. Even after all had been said and done, Erenville still had not the chance to truly... be. To feel and accept. The Gardens were the right choice, even if it embarrassed him a little.]
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Mm...
[She had seemed so happy in that garden. He still remembers how she smiled, laughed, how even in the face of Erenville's grousing she had remained bright. It must have been so hard for her, he thinks, to keep on like that...
Gently, he tugs Erenville a little closer to him and plants a soft kiss against the side of his head.]
Is it okay if I stay here with you?
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[The answer was immediate, if soft spoken. While Erenville may have been keeping distant these past few days, he wasn't necessarily trying to push Kayan away. it just came natural, at times. Old habits still seemingly died hard, after all.
But not this day. Once E'kayan sat next to him, there was no other place he wanted the man than right next to him.
He let out a shaking breath after a few more moments of silence.]
It's... different now. Knowing she will not be there when I return home.
[Was Yyasulani even home anymore now? None of the residents remembered Cahciua. Only he and the Scions who ventured into the dome with him, and those in Oblivion.]
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I... I don't remember my parents. [E'kayan says after some time goes by. He looks down at his free hand, curled loosely against his lap, his tone slightly hesitant as if he's not sure what he's saying can help.] I suppose I should, I wasn't that little when they left me in Limsa, but... [A sigh.] I don't. Not a single thing.
[He never really marked the absence before, but now, after all they've seen and heard, it feels... strange. Like there's a hollow space.]
I'll remember her with you, okay? Your mother. I promise, I'll never forget.
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Years faded memories. He did not need to have experienced his long life yet to know this. Memories faded eventually. What if hers faded from his mind? E'kayan had been young and the young forgot a little bit faster than adults, but eventually... He bit his lip as his eyes blurred once more.]
But... what if I forget? Her face? Her voice? My home no longer exists, I have nothing to remember her by.
[His hands tightened around his knees, into the fabric of his trousers. His breath hitched in his chest.]
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[E'kayan shifts position, moving himself a little forwards so he can try to catch Erenville's eyes. He knows the man is upset - of course he's upset and he has every right to be upset - but...
He places his hand over one of the Viera's, squeezing gently.]
You have her love for you. And yours for her. Even if everything else slowly fades with time... you'll always have that. You'll always have that love, all you learned, and everything else that you got from her that makes you you. No one can take that from you. No one and nothing. [He rubs his thumb against Erenville's knuckles.]
No one can take that. You'll always have her in your heart. Taking her to see all the things she never got to see.
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E'kayan was right. Of course he was and he had promised his mother that he would see all the things she never got to see. It just... it felt so difficult to do so right now. To get up after all that? He nodded, acknowledging E'kayan's words even as he sniffled pathetically again. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.]
How do you do it, Kayan? Find the strength to press on after losing someone dear to you?
[His shifted his fingers to interlace with the Miqo'te's. ]
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[The question halts him. He looks away and smiles faintly, shaking his head and then taking the handkerchief from Erenville's hand to wipe the tear tracks off his cheeks.
Gods, but how many people has he lost now? The memory of walking into the Waking Sands to find most of its inhabitants dead still haunts him even years later. Haurchefant, Moenbryda, Y'sayle, so many others... Most of the people he has lost have died right in front of him, or been discovered by him.
He shakes his head again.]
For a long time, I thought I couldn't. [The Miqo'te puffs out a breath and sets himself back on the ground, offering Erenville his handkerchief back.] But... I wasn't given a choice. I had to press on because if I didn't, more people were going to die. Because if I didn't, I...
[It's different. He chews his lower lip for a moment.]
I couldn't stop and feel any of it for a while. It's... I wouldn't recommend trying to live like that.
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He opened his mouth to apologize, but the other man answered his questions nonetheless. So, he remained quiet even as the tears were cleared off his cheeks. He looked down at the handkerchief held out to him, taking it silently.]
I am sorry. I... I did not mean to... [He continued to look down at the handkerchief, not quite sure how to feel about unintentionally making his partner remember past wounds like that. He did not know the person or people the other man had lost, he had not asked, it was not his place to.] I'm sorry.
[But, he had to agree, it was certainly no way to live. Erenville had always withdrawn into himself and, if he hadn't E'kayan with him now, he likely would have far more than he had just now.
And hadn't that been his mother's goal? To get Erenville to open up? Become more sociable and rely on others? And E'kayan certainly did have his friends, the Scions, to rely on. He pocketed the handkerchief and decided to act on impulse for a change... and likely because he hadn't allowed himself this even as his mother was due to fade away. He shifted where he sat, laying himself against E'kayan's chest. He was much taller than the Miqo'te, so there was going to need some adjusting but this time, he wanted to be held. One large ear listened to his heartbeat and he closed his eyes.]
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[And he is, he realises as he says that out loud. All that loss, the hurt, everything he'd been through... he is okay now. He's all right, he's stronger than he's ever been, and he's ready to face whatever this new threat against their home star might be.
He isn't expecting Erenville to move like that and he lifts his arms out of the way until the Viera has himself situated. A little laugh bubbles out of him as he brings them down to curl around him, one hand pushing through his hair and rubbing gently against the base of one of his long, soft ears.]
Heh... [It's... nice. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.] I love you, Elene'shpya. You know that, right?
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And he was glad that his face was currently mostly hidden into E'kayan's shirt because his cheeks were darkening a bit at the words. But he did not disagree and he nodded against the man's chest.]
Yes, I know. [A beat.] I love you, too.
[He did. He really, really did. He buried his face a bit deeper into E'kayan's shirt.]
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He sits in silence a little while longer, just gently stroking his palm against Erenville's ear and rubbing his fingertips around the base. Whatever time he needs to decompress and sort through his thoughts E'kayan will gladly give it to him and be there waiting when he comes through to the other side.]
You really did have a trial by fire to see what I mean when I say I'm an adventurer... [E'kayan murmurs thoughtfully after some time has passed. It's something he's thought of more than once, how Erenville always knew what he did was dangerous but he never really saw the reality of it.]
I'd say I'm sorry for dragging you into it, but... you wanted to come, and I don't think I could have stopped you.
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He puffed a sigh at those words, hiding his eye roll that was often reserved for Wuk Lamat.]
You wouldn't be sorry, anyway. And I had a certain "little kitten" to watch over, so of course I needed to join you. [And he isn't talking about you, E'kayan. Really, why does he suffer Wuk Lamat's antics? And yet, he never refused her, either.] Besides... it was my home. How could I not?
[But, E'kayan wasn't wrong. He never truly grasped the magnitude of the Warrior of Light's adventures. They were more than just a typical adventurer's journey. Much, much more.]
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But then, it wasn't his safety that prompted the most concern in the end.
E'kayan has noticed how he's relaxed a little against him, though, and he pets lightly at one of his ears again.]
How could you not. [He murmurs in agreement.] Still, I wish I could've... I wish things could have been different, you know? I would have liked to see your village, and... all of that.
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...I wish you could have seen it as well. [All E'kayan got to see were abandoned ruins. It had been a shock to Erenville, seeing his house falling apart, completely emptied. There had been no signs that anyone had lived there, all in a matter of 30 years of abandonment. And if things had been different, well... he wouldn't be mourning in the Botanical Gardens, now would he?] It's not unlike the Outskirts, I suppose... without all of the Alexandrian technology.
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He continues to idly pet the man's hair while he talks, sometimes stroking at ear or rubbing gently behind it. Erenville could be so withdrawn and quiet, so unlike E'kayan and yet... he does understand.]
Maybe you can tell me about it some time. [Maybe not now, when it still hurts, but... some time.] But, you know... I hope that you don't go too far until we figure out where to go next. We might need you again. If you think you'd be willing.
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It almost brought fresh tears to his eyes, but what stopped him was knowing that it wasn't true. Yyasulani may no longer feel like home to him, but E'kayan was here. The Scions, everyone in Tuliyollal, even Sharlayan. He still had a place to belong and it was enough to stave off the sudden feeling homelessness.]
I would be. I would only a linkpearl away.
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[It's nice. Comforting to know that Erenville is only a call away should he need him. He has so many amazing, reliable friends now...
The Miqo'te chuffs softly through his nose and gently urges the other man to shift a bit so he can lean down and press a soft, chaste kiss against his lips (after a quick glance around to make sure no one is observing them, but the gardens are quiet today).]
How do you feel about a quiet night in tonight? I'll make your favourite meal.
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The kiss was quick, but no less full of warmth. He was sad it was chaste. He opened his eyes to look back up at the other man, he nodded with a small smile.]
That would be lovely, thank you, Kayan.
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Then I'll do just that. I'll need to go by the market on the way home but I'm sure I have almost everything I need. [Gently, he strokes his thumb against Erenville's temple.]
And you know... it's okay to be upset. You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling about what happened.
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[There was a few things they were going to need from the market just in general, anyway. So, detouring to the market on their way home would be fine. It wasn't like it was currently dinner time, they had the rest of the afternoon to get back to Amberfall.
He leaned into the touch at his temple. He closed his eyes with a nod.]
Yes, I know. I just... [He was still learning and adjusting to not being so solitary. But, evidently, his mother's entire goal for tasking him with finding the city of gold and to became a gleaner had not actually been to find the city of gold. But it was to learn to open up, not be so withdrawn and "dour". While he was... less unsociable than previously, it was still a work in progress.] 'Tis difficult at times. Not to fall into old habits.
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Those old habits of his might well be more shaken off than he realises... though the Miqo'te understands how he might still slip into them under this kind of stress.]
Yeah. I get that. I think. [He pets one of Erenville's long ears in slow, gentle strokes.] ... When we got back from Ultima Thule, I didn't feel like I could let anyone see how much of a mess I was. I'm happy I can help you with this.
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[Erenville opened his eyes, looking up at the other man. He had not truly known the details of Ultima Thule, just the surface level kind. He was not the kind of man to pry, so he had yet to really ask for more on what happened that far out in the universe.
He likely wouldn't for awhile longer, it simply did not feel it was his place. Erenville didn't mind not knowing.]
Did you let anyone else see? Eventually?
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No, I didn't.
[He wanted to. There were people - Alisaie and G'raha especially - that he might have eventually felt able to talk to about it all, but things never seemed to stop when it came to the Scions and himself in particular, and by the time he'd settled things in his own mind they were gearing up for another adventure.]
But... as it turns out, I didn't really need to. Going to Tural with you, helping Lamaty'i and Koana, and everything that we did together... It helped. More than any of you could ever know.
[The Miqo'te smiles, lifting his head up and looking out at the flowers and lush plants surrounding them.]
I was still having trouble with knowing that I didn't just have to do everything on my own. It was nice to take a back seat for once. To be someone who was just part of the team, not the leader.
text; un: e'kayan
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That isn't why I was asking!
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I was just wondering...
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I asked if *you* include your ears. Is it a secret? Do you change how tall you say you are depending on whether or not the other person is tall?
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I do not. I do not see the point in including them when the person next to be may or may not be viera or they are born with ears that do not stand upright.
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[ D: ]
You had me thinking it was some kind of big secret for a minute there.
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[Okay, now he was just teasing.]
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An hour or two.
Then I'll have to do something about this disrespect!
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